Gosh!! talking bout my greatest fear made me more fear.. =.=
Well, one of d biggest fear and problems i'm having in my life is that i always alwaysx1000 have stage fright!!!
And another prob is that.. my golden voice =.=
I've this personal prob since i was a kid.. and i know all of my frens who r with me understands d prob that i'm going thru..
God created everyone equally and special for their own potentials..
As for me, ive always wonder why God have to do this to me??
Why do God have to give me a soft vocal box??
Why's everyone so fluent in their speech but NOT me??
Why do i have a stammer??
Gosh the questions just went on and on..
But somehow i realizes that this is a challenge God gave to me..
He want me to overcome this fear of mine..
I know it may take some time to overcome it and i'm learning bout it everyday and follows where God lead me..
Finally this fear came to a stage where is quite emotional for me..
Every year.. when is time for my aural test.. negative thinking starts to fill my mind =.=
i totally have fear on hows it gonna came out.. and ofcos at times it mayb a disaster T.T
And am always fear that is my voice goin to be heard??
And stammer always starts when i'm speaking in front of a public!!
Haih and todays finally my BM's ujian lisan.. T.T
ofcos i was totally anxious.. and maisarah was always trying to calm me down =) btw thx alot for ur help maisarah!! but i cant as usual..
Gosh when is finally time.. waiting with my legs and hands shivering for my teacher to call my name out =.=
'ok sekarang giliran Eeling pula..'
my heart never stop pumping and my face quickly turned as white as a sheet..
Maisarah who was sitting nex to me pat me on my shoulder and held me up from my chair..
Gosh!! i cant explain how nervous i went!! =.=
With my shaking hands, i hold on tightly to my little notes.. and started sluttering on my first fews words.. Gosh and Mr.Ghalib was as usual with his sour face standing right infront of me.. listening to my frens advice just to look at d notes and read out loud and not looking at his face..
And i countinue and continued reading..
Till is time to say 'sekian terima kasih'.. he asked my classmates to give me a big aplaud..
I was asking myself why did he do that for??
and when d second i grab my seat.. suddenlly i donno why tears started to burst out of my face!! T.T
Maisarah was 'eh, eeling kenape?? jgnlah menangis!! awk dah buat yg terbaikkan..'
And Ghalib was trying to calm me down..
The feelings that i felt that time was.. i felt i did my best but still wasnt that good..
i was quite dissapointed with myself.. and i felt i never want to do this ujian lisan anymore!!
Still crying and having my head laying on d table.. my classmates start coming to me and calm me down.. i couldnt stop crying that time after i felt how badly ive done..
but thx so much for my classmates for understanding my probs..
Still having my head on d table.. suddenly Mr.Ghalib called my name..
'eeling.. cikgu tahu masalah awk.. baik jgnlah nanggis lagi..' then my heart started to gloomed when he say 'oklah eeling.. cikgu bagi awk A utk ujian lisan..'
Gosh.. i donno whether he did this to calm me down or wat.. but my frens say yea u did ur best and u deserve it.. i was still lost and felt devastated.. =.=
On d bright side, finally i stopped crying.. =)
But both my eyes looked completely swolen.. =.=
And i can barely open my eyes now.. haih..
All and all, i think ive somehow learned to overcome alittle of my fear..
The only thing is just to 'believe in myself!!'
Okay.. feeling quite exauted now..
And yea Liginn!! so sry for you!! Just stay strong always and remember i'll always be there for you if you need me yea.. =)
Adios!
-TeQueiro-
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment